My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
