He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
