why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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