I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
