I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
