dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
