She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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