I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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