You're so nebulous sometimes
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
