i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
