I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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