You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
