dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
