Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
