If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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