bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
be right there i have to get my cape
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
