i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
