Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
