woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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