so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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