ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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