My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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