if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
