Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
