The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
