No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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