Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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