dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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