Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
