Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
