That's intense
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
