I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
