Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
