I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
