i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just want nice things and good sex
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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