Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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