Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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