Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
