eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
