just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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