Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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