So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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