I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
