My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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