she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
