I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
