I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
