When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm passing your future prison.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
