I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
