Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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