I like to think it a success when the cops are called
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
