If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
