I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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