just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
