At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
