I bet he comes in French.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We are all done wearing pants today
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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